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Intimations of a Cracked Republic

By Rob Schultheis

Found in: | Inside | Politics |

The traditional Chinese believed that Heaven, Earth and Man were all interconnected: strife in the emperor's court could presage crop failures and vice versa, early migrations of Siberian cranes meant troubles on China's northern frontier, and so on.

I'm not sure that things connect up quite that neatly, like some Cosmic Leggo set, but it's definitely not all nonsense: I'm not sure that 20 million butterflies flapping their wings in tandem can produce a whirlwind at the opposite end of earth, but if 20 million butterflies don't show up on their usual yearly migration route, that signifies something everywhere in the world - something not good, just as a rainy season in Kabul, Afghanistan, when it rains the way it used to years ago, is good news all the way from the glaciers of Karakoram to the Ran of Kutch, the peanut jungles of Badghis to the snow leopard dens of the high Hindu Kush . . .

All of this is a roundabout way of getting to something ominous I have seen lately; something that at first may seem inconsequential, but on reflection turns out to be anything but. I am talking about two current television advertisements.that cynically suck the joy out of some of the simple joys of American life.

One of these - I'm sure you've seen it - shows a suburban neighborhood, on a wintry holiday night. It's a familiar, Norman Rockwellian tableaux: groups of neighbors are strolling down the street, looking at the elaborate lighted rooftop and housefront decorations people have built to celebrate the time of year. The climax of the ad comes as the crowd approaches the end of the block. The house on the corner is the only one without lights - but wait!

The garage door slowly opens, and the Yuppie couple (yes, they still exist) inside turn on the headlights of their two luxury Toyotas, parked side by side and the four beams shine out into the night. Their wordless message: "Tis the season to be JEALOUS, because we're richer than you!"

Think about it: have you ever seen a piece of advertising so mean-spirited, deliberately anti-joy? I just can't fathom what kind of Grinch-Scrooge minds could have come up with such a sour abomination . . . and FYI, no, I'm not some Fox-type neocon who wants to put the Christianity back in Christmas; that's not it at all. The point is, this is supposed to be a season of generosity, of giving, not thumbing one's nose at those with less money, or taste, or whatever luxury Toyota owners are supposed to possess. A pox on whatever corporate ghouls dreamed this one up.

But there's another current ad that's even worse, much worse in fact: the KAYAK travel reservations spot, in which a grizzled old guy is telling a younger man about how he and his buddies hit the beaches in the scorching sun way back when, how they endured the danger and hardships; and just when you think this is about D-Day or Guadalcanal, letters appear on the wall behind the old coot, and as they become brighter and more legible, you realize that they spell out CANCUN!

Yeah, the Mexican beach resort where collegians gather each spring to sample the joys of beer bongs, of string bikinis, of jello body shots and steroid-pumped fraternity goners trashing hotel rooms and tossing t.v. sets out of third floor windows into hotel pools. Fear and Loathing on the Caribbean!

Man, I'm laughing so hard I can barely type: patriotism, shmatriotism.

(In a recent poll, something like 70 percent of California college students didn't know who the D-Day landings were launched against - Ho Chi Minh?- and whether the Khmer Rouge or the Red Baron bombed Pearl Harbor.)

Hey, who needs "history", anyhow? America in 2009/2010 is Fat City writ large, its anthems sung by the like of Glen Beck and R. Limbaugh, a studied mindlessness its official faith. Millions of Americans fought and died over the past 250 years to preserve the right to vote for the oaf who was recently quoted as saying he would vote for Sarah Palin in the next election because "She's hot, and she'd be fun to go fishing with." Lord have mercy on us all . . .