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We Parent
In his 2005 article entitled "My Addicted Son," David Sheff wrote something that continues to resonate with me. Referring to the post-Baby Boomer generation of parents he said, "Before us, people had kids. We parented."
The statement returned to me in two places: On the soccer field during a
parents versus kids game and on the ski slopes with our oldest son.
Sheff's words were like a visitation from the past, calling out the contrast between how my parents reared my brother
and me, and how Jeff and I (and countless other parents in our age group) raise our children.
Even when our boys were as young as three months, we took them hiking,
climbing, and camping. It seemed unheard of to leave them with a babysitter to participate in our outdoor pursuits.
After all, there is a barrage of infant and child accessories available to today's parents, such as toddler carriers,
jogging strollers and hydration packs. And there are a number of classes that cater to the very youngest of children,
opportunities that didn't exist when I was a child.
Generally speaking, parents who share my generation tend to start kids early
with activities. At five, Justin has already dabbled in skiing, soccer, rock climbing, T-ball, tumbling, sign
language, and swimming. I didn't try many of those activities until I was an adult, if at all. At two-and-a-half,
Zane has been hiking throughout the national park system, has been positioned at the base of rock climbs in the
Southwest, and has enjoyed swimming at the local pools and public hot springs.
This attentiveness has enabled us to be active participants in our sons' lives
while watching the joy and newness of recreation register on their faces. My parents carted us to piano and karate
lessons but never took an active part in either. Of course, it's not every parent or guardian who can claim mastery
of Bach or has a black belt tucked away in the closet. And those activities don't qualify as family events where each
member is involved, or even lend themselves, necessarily, to spectator sports.
I began to wonder when this whole active-parenting thing started. Was there an
organized movement? Was it advertising pressure brought about by the invention of mobile play pens and toddler
carriers? Or was it simply that underlying change that happens in life and that creeps in without being seen? I
wasn't able to locate any discernable movements, but I did learn that the extra attention we give our children is
usually beneficial. Studies show that parental involvement in education
positively impacts a child's success. Certainly, this must be true by spending time with children and exposing them
to extracurricular activities, as well. Of course, there is the dreaded overly involved form of parenting - enrolling
a child in too many activities and losing sight of the child's best interests. But it seems that taking our children
for hikes and allowing them to participate in things they are passionate about is a good thing.
Fortunately, this whole trend toward including the kids and parenting them does not signify the end of recreation for those of us who are
parents. Often, I have heard the demonstrative cries of those who choose to remain childless, declaring how their
worlds would come to an abrupt end if a kid entered into the equation. Perhaps that was the way it was in the old
days but it certainly does not have to be that way anymore. As a matter of fact, it is fulfilling to be able to pass
along interests in outdoor recreation and sports to our children. There is a legacy of sorts that happens with
parenting our children as opposed to simply having kids - or choosing not to have them. And for kids, they receive
the added benefit of spending quality time with the folks. That is, until its cachet wears off and they don't want to
be seen with us anymore.
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